A short experiment for people who are extremely good at pushing through.

You clicked because you want to manage your stress better.

Which makes sense because stress is unpleasant, we would all like less of it.

You may have already tried to manage it by organizing your time more carefully, exercising, meditating, setting boundaries, taking a holiday, turning off notifications and promising yourself that next week will be calmer.

Perhaps some of it helped.

And then things became busy again. You noticed yourself again taking responsibility, anticipating problems, carrying more than anyone asked you to carry and telling yourself that things will settle down once you get through this particular period.

So here is your stress management tool.

Think of something you are stressed about right now.

Complete this sentence:

I am stressed because…

Write the answer down. Do not make it sound fancy or impressive. Write the first thing that comes to mind.

Now replace the word stress with fear.

I am afraid because…

The sentence may suddenly become much more specific.

You are not stressed about the presentation. You are afraid you will get something wrong and people will realize you are not as capable as they think.

You are not stressed about your workload. You are afraid that saying no will disappoint someone, damage your reputation or change the way people see you.

You are not stressed because you have an important decision to make. You are afraid that choosing what you actually want will inconvenience someone, close a door or disturb the life you worked so hard to build.

“Stress” is useful language. It sounds neutral and professional. Everyone understands it and you can discuss it without revealing very much.

Fear is less convenient.

Fear asks what you believe might happen if you stop performing so well.

Whose reaction are you already managing?

What are you trying to prevent?

What would it mean about you if you disappointed someone, changed your mind, needed help or simply could not carry everything this time?

You do not have to fix the fear immediately. You do not have to convince yourself that it is irrational or replace it with a more positive thought.

For now, notice what becomes visible when you stop calling everything stress.

The next time you hear yourself say, “I’m stressed,” pause.

Try:

I’m afraid that…

Then finish the sentence without correcting yourself.

That is the tool.

See how I work →